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"Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
Earlier today, I served as the “young woman’s voice” in a panel of local experts at a Girl Scouts speaking event. One question for the panel was something to the effect of, "Should parents read their daughter’s texts or monitor her online activity for bad language and inappropriate content?"
I was surprised when the first panelist answered the question as if it were about cyberbullying. The adult audience nodded sagely as she spoke about the importance of protecting children online.
I reached for the microphone next. I said, “As far as reading your child’s texts or logging into their social media profiles, I would say 99.9% of the time, do not do that.”
Looks of total shock answered me. I actually saw heads jerk back in surprise. Even some of my fellow panelists blinked.
Everyone stared as I explained that going behind a child’s back in such a way severs the bond of trust with the parent. When I said, “This is the most effective way to ensure that your child never tells you anything,” it was like I’d delivered a revelation.
It’s easy to talk about the disconnect between the old and the young, but I don’t think I’d ever been so slapped in the face by the reality of it. It was clear that for most of the parents I spoke to, the idea of such actions as a violation had never occurred to them at all.
It alarms me how quickly adults forget that children are people.
Apparently people are rediscovering this post somehow and I think that’s pretty cool! Having experienced similar violations of trust in my youth, this is an important issue to me, so I want to add my personal story:
Around age 13, I tried to express to my mother that I thought I might have clinical depression, and she snapped at me “not to joke about things like that.” I stopped telling my mother when I felt depressed.
Around age 15, I caught my mother reading my diary. She confessed that any time she saw me write in my diary, she would sneak into my room and read it, because I only wrote when I was upset. I stopped keeping a diary.
Around age 18, I had an emotional breakdown while on vacation because I didn’t want to go to college. I ended up seeing a therapist for - surprise surprise - depression.
Around age 21, I spoke on this panel with my mother in the audience, and afterwards I mentioned the diary incident to her with respect to this particular Q&A. Her eyes welled up, and she said, “You know I read those because I was worried you were depressed and going to hurt yourself, right?”
TL;DR: When you invade your child’s privacy, you communicate three things:
- You do not respect their rights as an individual.
- You do not trust them to navigate problems or seek help on their own.
- You probably haven’t been listening to them.
Information about almost every issue that you think you have to snoop for can probably be obtained by communicating with and listening to your child.
Part of me is really excited to see that the original post got 200 notes because holy crap 200 notes, and part of me is really saddened that something so negative has resonated with so many people.
This reminds me of when I was younger I had a diary and I would just write in it when I was angry, upset, or really just anything on my mind. My mom knew I had one but she always made it this huge point to not read my diary. Except that she did read it on 3 separate occasions and actually got angry when there was an entry about her.
Then there were times when she would complain that I don’t talk to her enough and I don’t tell her when something is going on. LOL SERIOUSLY. She would violate my privacy then wonder why I would hardly open up to her. My thought process was, “Why in the fuck would I open up when I know you’re just gonna force your way in anyway????”
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reblogging this again because I lol'd at the gifs lmao representation matters
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Are people seriously using Aveline De Grandpre as an excuse for why Ubisoft didn’t make any female assassins?? Really? Bitch let’s not go there.
"UBISOFT ALREADY MADE A GAME CENTERED AROUND A FEMALE ASSASSIN AND IT WAS THE WEAKEST SELLING GAME!"
Don’t even use this bullshit excuse. Assassin’s Creed Liberation was originally made for PlayStation Vita…. A handheld console that nobody owns. I didn’t even know that this game existed until 2 years later that it was released on Xbox, PlayStation and PC. And I still wouldn’t have even known about it until I saw it on Xbox Live.
So let’s be honest here: Ubisoft didn’t give nearly as much promotion, time and resources to AC: Liberation like they do with their other ACs that all have male leads. That was why it didn’t sell very well. Not because there was a female lead.
And as a sidenote, nobody is saying they hate the new protagonists in AC: Unity because they’re white. (Yes, I actually saw a post that accused outraged gamers of hating the protagonists because they’re white.)
Maybe if some of you actually had reading comprehension skills, you would know that people are tired of damn near every protagonist being white males.
And we also like to see ourselves represented more. Is that really asking for too much?? For men and women of color in video games (and in the media period) as much as there are white people?
Did you really just say “It’s not because the protagonists are white it’s because the protagonists are white!” Hahahahaha.
And the fact that you didn’t know Liberation even existed leads me to believe you’re just jumping on the next fad crusade considering the Assassin’s Creed series has been one of the most diverse to date.
You’ve played as a Syrian twice, an Italian three times, a Native American, a French-African woman, a black Trinidadian slave and whatever race Desmond is.
Heaven forbid they’re allowed to make a white protagonist in the very white Revolutionary France. The series is Assassin’s Creed not Token Minority’s Creed. They’ve handled minorities so well precisely because they do it when it fits rather than going the Bioware route of forcing them in everywhere and then the entire character being HEY HEY LOOK WE PUT A WOMAN. THIS ONE’S GAY. WE GOTTA BLACK GUUUUUUUY! Just look at the character reveals for Inquisition. They’re already turning “lesbian elf” into her defining character trait. Because being a minority is her character. Minorities are a quick way for Bioware to pander to and get brownie points from video game “journalists” and the community.
Ubisoft on the other hand started a AAA series with a Syrian because it took place in the Middle East. Because that’s the story they were telling. Now don’t get me wrong because I agree that their excuse for not including a female is bullshit. Frankly, they should have just came out and said it wasn’t part of the story they were planning on telling and left it at that. They shot themselves in the foot when they said they planned to include a female but cut her because they didn’t want to do the extra work. But it just baffles me that the company with some of the best representation in video games is getting a backlash because they’re making a white protagonist where it would be appropriate.
P.S. I’m still holding onto the belief that this is all a ruse by Ubisoft and they’re going to come out at a later date and go "We’ve added a playable female to the game! Look at how great and inclusive we are! We listen to what the fans want! Praise us!"
"Did you really just say “It’s not because the protagonists are white it’s because the protagonists are white!” Hahahahaha."
I literally just explained that people were annoyed about MOST VIDEO PROTAGONISTS being white. Not simply because they made a white protagonist. Really.
"And the fact that you didn’t know Liberation even existed leads me to believe you’re just jumping on the next fad crusade considering the Assassin’s Creed series has been one of the most diverse to date."
I. Just. Said. I didn’t know it existed UNTIL I saw it on Xbox Live (which would be January 2014). And that was because it was only available on PlayStation Vita. MOST PEOPLE didn’t know about it either.
And please. Diversity includes women too. Don’t be that asshole that’s like “LOOK THEY’VE HAD [insert 2 not-white characters] THEY’VE DONE GOOD WITH DIVERSITY!! THEY SHOULDN’T INCLUDE ANYTHING ELSE JUST BECAUSE! ONLY IF THE STORY CALLS FOR IT!”
But somehow most stories call for a lot of white people.
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y'all remember Vanessa from the Bernie Mac Show? black girls rock BAE High Quality
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hmm good point which is why I can never fuck with the likes of Iggy that bitch has been called out so many times and she will literally refuse to apologize and then play the victim like BITCH JUST APOLOGIZE rant over
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BG’s as in black girls, right?
Well, I always like to consider time and current behavior as legitimate factors whenever someone fucks up. I feel like JB is still pretty problematic and shady for all of the shit he currently does and gets away with but those specific actions were done several years ago and he did address and apologize for them, from my knowledge, nor does he continue to stand by those past actions. Therefore, I have no reason to cast judgment on any black girls who still support him based on THOSE specific actions.
At the end of the day, EVERYONE’s problematic to a certain extent and everyone fucks up at one point or another. I don’t see how necessary it is to call out people’s behavior, watch said behavior be addressed and corrected, and then to still drag the person for the SAME behavior. I don’t think that’s conducive to fostering healthy personal growth nor should that be the purpose of calling out people in the first place.
Had he blatantly refused to apologize or failed to acknowledge the gravity of past his actions, like OTHER notable pop stars/celebrities in recent times, then I would have a very different answer for you.
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